I felt sad when I read the story in the Evening Standard about a young woman who during the course of a long relationship had no reason to believe that it was anything but long term. She gave her time and energy to renovate her partner’s house believing that she would be moving in. She was dumped when the house was finished.
A judge ruled that it was not a deliberate act on the part of her partner to get his house fixed up and then to dump her. What about the kindness aspect? He allowed her to work for him and the kind act would have been to verbalise as soon as he knew that he wanted to end the relationship.
I wish I could say that I was surprised by what I read, I have seen this so often. One person moving into the other person’s property, decorating or carrying out renovations. Buying curtains, soft furnishings, creating a beautiful garden and once the project is complete they are dumped or in some cases swopped for a less ‘homely’ and a more fun person. This is unkind and not honest.
If you are planning to leave your partner once you have finished your college degree or course that they have supported you through I invite you to stop and think about ‘how would you feel if they did the same to you?’ This is unkind and hurtful.
Be honest and not cruel to your partner
Little acts of thought and kindness make such a difference. If your partner asks you if they look good in this dress/jacket, talk about the person and not the garments. ‘You look really good in that” or “it really suits you’ and avoid ‘it’s a nice dress/jacket’.
If you think it does not look good avoid ‘you look awful in that, take it off’, instead ‘I don’t think it is the right garment for you, you look so good in X and this one does not do you justice’.
Avoid setting your partner up to fail, if you try something and you know it does not suit you avoid ‘does my bum look big in this’ and then get upset when they say yes. If it is obviously wrong for you they may speak straight out and forget to say something like ‘that is not the best choice for you, you look so good in the other one’.
If your partner is feeling negative about themselves and want you to join in DONT, instead find something positive to say about them. You may be storing something up to be used against you in the future.
Dignity in Relationships 