Valentine’s Day

Whenever much emphasis is put onto a ‘special’ occasion there are more things that can go wrong.  If your partner buys the wrong present, be gracious and think that they thought of you even if they haven’t a clue.  If you go out to dinner and the food is not good or the service disappointing, avoid the blame game with your partner.  Go home and make the evening special for yourselves and enjoying each others company.

Being angry and upset when someone makes an effort for us and gets it wrong only  prolongs a negative time in your relationship.  Be bigger than that and move on especially if you are the one who is better at choosing the right gift or lucky at knowing which restaurants are right for the occasion.  Think of what other positive qualities your partner brings to the table and if kindness is one of them – count yourself blessed and enjoy.

Being positive

If you are feeling negative about your partner’s behaviour and everything they do upsets or annoys you.  Stop and think about what you like about them?  Think about the things that you appreciate about them.

Do they constantly find fault with you and you retaliate or is it the other way around?  Stop and ask yourself, What is going on between us? Is this the way we want our lives to be?  What am I prepared to do to change this situation?

If you have had a bad day

If you have had a bad day at work for whatever reason or your journey was frustrating, it is not your partner’s fault.  They were not there.  Before you pick up the phone and look for reasons to find fault with them to justify you venting your frustration just imagine what they look like, what they sound like and who they are to you.  You are not calling a repository for your bad humour, you are calling your life partner and they deserve to be treated well.  Now with our clever technology it is a good idea to have a photograph of your partner come up on your phone when you call their number.  This reminds you that they are a real person, the person you love and it makes it harder to vent your spleen on them.

It does not mean that you cannot tell them that you have had a frustrating day, you can and hearing a kind and loving voice can ease your own distress.  Don’t forget to also ask them about their day.

Sadness at People’s Unkindness

I felt sad when I read the story in the Evening Standard about a young woman who during the course of a long relationship had no reason to believe that it was anything but long term.  She gave her time and energy to renovate her partner’s house believing that she would be moving in.  She was dumped when the house was finished.

A judge ruled that it was not a deliberate act on the part of her partner to get his house fixed up and then to dump her.  What about the kindness aspect?  He allowed her to work for him and the kind act would have been to verbalise as soon as he knew that he wanted to end the relationship.

I wish I could say that I was surprised by what I read, I have seen this so often.  One person moving into the other person’s property, decorating or carrying out renovations.  Buying curtains, soft furnishings, creating a beautiful garden and once the project is complete they are dumped or in some cases swopped for a less ‘homely’ and a more fun person.  This is unkind and not honest.

If you are planning to leave your partner once you have finished your college degree or course that they have supported you through I invite you to stop and think about ‘how would you feel if they did the same to you?’  This is unkind and hurtful.

Be honest and not cruel to your partner

Little acts of thought and kindness make such a difference.  If your partner asks you if they look good in this dress/jacket, talk about the person and not the garments.  ‘You look really good in that” or “it really suits you’ and avoid ‘it’s a nice dress/jacket’.

If you think it does not look good avoid ‘you look awful in that, take it off’, instead ‘I don’t think it is the right garment for you, you look so good in X and this one does not do you justice’.

Avoid setting your partner up to fail, if you try something and you know it does not suit you avoid ‘does my bum look big in this’ and then get upset when they say yes.  If it is obviously wrong for you they may speak straight out and forget to say something like ‘that is not the best choice for you, you look so good in the other one’.

If your partner is feeling negative about themselves and want you to join in DONT, instead find something positive to say about them.  You may be storing something up to be used against you in the future.